There are healthy ways to cope with intense emotions or urges to self-harm, and building a toolbox of strategies can make a big difference. Below are some alternatives and strategies, grouped by purpose.

Distraction-Based Alternatives

These help ride out the urge by shifting focus:

  • Hold ice cubes or splash cold water on your face.

  • Snap a rubber band against your wrist (a safer sensory replacement).

  • Draw on yourself with a red marker where you feel the urge to harm.

  • Rip paper, punch a pillow, or squeeze a stress ball.

  • Play video games, doodle, knit, or do puzzles — anything engaging.

Cognitive Coping Strategies

These challenge the thoughts driving the urge:

  • Talk back to harmful thoughts (e.g., “This feeling will pass,” or “I deserve care.”).

  • Write in a journal — track feelings, triggers, and progress.

  • List reasons to stay safe or things you want to experience in life.

  • Use grounding techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 method to stay present.

Social & Emotional Support

Sometimes connection is the most powerful tool:

  • Reach out to a friend, therapist, or support group.

  • Text a crisis line (Text 741741 in the U.S.).

  • Write a letter to someone you trust (even if you don’t send it).

Emotional Regulation Skills

Borrowed from DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy):

  • TIPP Skills: Temperature (cold water), Intense exercise, Paced breathing, Progressive muscle relaxation.

  • Opposite Action: If you feel like isolating, try connecting instead.

  • Self-soothing with senses: light a scented candle, listen to calming music, take a warm bath.